I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
