We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
