turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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