So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize