After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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