i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
