Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it was like eating out sand paper
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
