you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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