he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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