How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it was like eating out sand paper
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
