Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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