I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
