He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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