My boss' voice literally gives me gas
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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