i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
