im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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