Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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