This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My bed smells like the plague
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
