She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
