He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
