I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
