I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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