I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
