New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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