Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
