put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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