Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
