I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
