Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The ass gains better be worth it
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