the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
