apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm at about main and main street
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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