All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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