Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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