I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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