I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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