Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
