Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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