i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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