You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
