Betty ford says i'm here all night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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