shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
