I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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