youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
