His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
