If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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