did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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