I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
