I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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