it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
