I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
