if you like me you must not know who I am
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
