This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
