which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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