Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
