cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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