Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
