Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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