It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
