I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
