I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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